Kitty Kuda
by LittleRussianTiger
Summary: Kuda was sure there was no way he could fail that assassination. However, things take a turn for the weird when a certain spell is accidentally cast by a certain someone. Now what? (Warning- Guy x Guy. Rating may change...) And yes, that is a picture of a rock.
1. Chapter 1

_Yeah, yeah. gumi owns BF. We get it._

* * *

 _So, this is the place…_ Well hidden away in the large, ancient trees lay an old, abandoned castle. The moonlight bounced off of its stone walls and flooded the courtyard, where the tents of soldiers could be seen. This place was in a highly strategic location- close enough to the battlefield, and close enough to hiding places and vast healing materials. Even though the battle with the gods was in _their_ favor, _for now,_ at least, it was always good to have supplies such as the ones from the life-giving forest.

He scanned the premises from the towering oak, grinning as he realized everyone was asleep, including the good-for-nothing guards. This would be too easy. There was no _way_ he could possibly mess this up.

Swiftly and silently, he lept from the tree, darting through the shadows and easily slipping through the gate. A few fires still burned, dimly, however, their pitiful amounts of smoke wisping up as he flashed by. There were no soldiers guarding the entrance to the tower itself, so he entered, his eyes drawn to the touch on the wall. It gave off a faint light, but it was bright enough to illuminate the features of the interior. It was rather plain; a large desk with a map, he assumed for planning, a few chairs, and a few chunks of rock lying haphazardly on the ground, most likely due to the elderly, unkempt condition of the building.

As quietly as a fox, he crept up the stairs, flickering torchlight form the walls showing him the way. The stairs spiraled up and up, stopping at several floors, but none of these were the right levels. He was going to the top. Higher and higher he climbed. Just as he thought they'd never end, he came to a door. As he worked on the lock, it struck him that there were more levels than the building was tall. Some powerful mage must've bound the land with a spell, condensing the space inside.

A soft click could be heard, and the door opened. Inside was a circular room, bright with silver, exposing moonlight. It fell from the open doors to the balcony, whose old white curtains fluttered delicately in the night zephyrs. He entered the bedroom, stalking up to the unsuspecting figure lying off to one side. Looking down at their face, he felt a slight pang of regret- it would be a pity to remove such a beautiful face from the world, but it had to be done. He pulled a simple dagger from the folds of his clothing, the sharp blade glinting dangerously. Dark magic seemed to emanate from it, casting a gloomy, eerie feel over the room.

He pressed it against the sleeping figure's throat, ready to slit it open. But then… They muttered something in their sleep. It just so happened to be that they unknowingly uttered a spell. And everything was a stunning white-gold.


	2. Chapter 2

He opened his eyes. It was comfortably warm, sunlight streaming in from someplace. Gods, his head hurt. He tried moving, but it became apparent that something was pinning him down. He turned his head to see a delicate face, blond hair falling into closed eyes. Holy… He had to get out of there! He struggled against the person's grip, but dang! They had a grip of steel! And when did he get so… So weak? He cursed softly. Well, tried to, anyway. It came out sounding like: "Mew…".

Oh. Oh my.

Shocked, he leap out of the arms snuggling him close, landing on the floor. On his dark purple, furry paws. He trembled string up to see his reflection in a broken shard of mirror. No longer was he strong, muscular and sly. He was adorable, fluffy and...a cat. His leaf bud-green eyes widened and he yowled in shock, running around the room in a panicked frenzy. How was he supposed to strike fear into the hearts of his victims like _this?!_

He was oh so busy having a mental breakdown that he didn't notice his former target sitting up dazedly, golden hair sticking up in random places thanks to Steve the Midnight Hairdresser, who was kind of like the Tooth Fairy, but specialized in making sleeping people look like they'd been thrown out of one of 'ol Grafl's airships and then had fallen into a patch of thorns.

"What in the _world?_ ", they said bewilderedly, climbing out of the covers. Although their body had more curves than the sultriest of women, the voice suggested that they were male.

Not noticing, he ran smack into them, falling right over on his kitty rump. Meowing indignantly, he looked up. It was… It was him! He hissed, arching his back. _If I can't kill you as a human, I'll finish the job as a cat!_

He pounced, but the leap only got him as far as landing on top of a bare foot.

"Awww…", they crooned. He stiffened as they bent over to pick him up gently, cradling him close to their chest. "Where'd you come from, cutie?"

" _Cutie? CUTIE?!"_ , he hissed. " _LISTEN TO ME, MISSY MISTER. I AM THE MASTER ASSASSIN- KUDA! I'M YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE! AND YOU'RE CALLING ME CUTIE, YOU DESPICABLE, ANDROGYNOUS, SORRY EXCUSE OF A SWORDSMAN?! I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD!"_

He batted at the "despicable, androgynous, sorry excuse of a swordsman's" face with his paws, tiny, needle-like claws extended as far as they could go. Which wasn't very far at all, actually.

"Haha~! You're just the cutest little thing! Omigods, I have to go show you to Aem and Will! I hope they haven't moved on yet; I haven't seen them in like, forever!"

Still with kitty Kuda in his arms, he somehow threw on an outfit without using one arm. He was in quite a hurry too; Kuda found some amusement in the fact that he was wearing a blue and white dress from an older, dustier section in the closet that read "ZELNITE WAS HERE", in big fancy letters, on a solitary slip of paper.

His captor swiftly fixed his hair, slipping all the odd ends and bits in as he ran down the stairs. _I hope you trip._

And he did.

Kind of, anyway. He missed the last step and fell into a man with pale swamp green hair, knocking both of them into the man behind him, a slightly shorter person with hair the color of storm clouds. Kuda hissed again.

"Oh, I am terribly sorry miss!", the one with the swamp hair exclaimed, uprighting his captor with a worried expression. The one behind him staggered back to his feet, rubbing his head.

"Miss…?" Kuda rolled his eyes as the air-headed, gold-haired ditz finally realized what he was wearing. "Oh, I'm not-"

He was interrupted by the knight, who in formality, took what he thought was 'her' hand and kissed it, kneeling in front of 'her'.

Another eye roll from Kuda kitty; now Missy Mister Ditz was blushing furiously, shaking 'her' head.

"E-Excuse me, but I'm not a-"

"I hope you can forgive us, madam", the Stormy Head behind Swampy Head added, cutting 'her' off, and mimicking Swampy's actions.

"Excuse me!", 'she' finally spoke up. He growled warningly as 'she' held him a bit too tight.

They both blinked at 'her'.

"I put this dress on by accident! It's me! Atro! Will, Aem, did you not remember what I looked like?"

Their jaws dropped, their faces consumed by a bright pink. _Tsk_.

"Atro! I am terribly sorry!", Swampy Will sputtered.

"It's ok…", Atro the Despicable said, still furiously blushing. "Just… Let us never speak of this again!"

They all nodded, rather embarrassed. Kuda squirmed; he was slowly suffocating in Atro's grip.

"Oh!", Missy Mister Ditz exclaimed. "I came down here to show you my new pet!"

" _WOAH WOAH WOAH. WOAH. HOLD UP. I AIN'T NOBODY'S PET",_ he meowed, biting Atro's thumb. However, his kitten teeth weren't very sharp.

"Isn't he adorable?", squealed Atro.

" _No! I'm not cute, I'm not fluffy, I'm not adorable! I WAS SENT HERE TO_ DESTROY _YOU!"_

"Hm. He is kind of cute", Will the Swamp Head admitted, placing a hand on Kuda's tiny kitty head and scratching behind his ears.

" _Hey, what do you think you're- Ohhhhhh yessss… Yes yes yes…"_ He broke of in a purr. What had he been missing? Oh, this was amazing…

He continued to purr as Swamp Monster pampered him, nudging his head up into that hand for more. Wait… What was he doing?!

He bit Mr. Swamp's hand, shrinking back into Atro's arms. It didn't hurt, but Will felt rejected, nonetheless.

"I think he likes you", Atro the Ditz stated.

" _No, I hate you all! I hate you! If you knew who I was, you wouldn't be snuggling me all close and personal!"_

"Here Aem, you hold him!"

" _NO. PUT ME DOWN. I WILL CLAW YOU. I WILL. I'LL DO IT. I'M DEAD SERIOUS. DON'T FORCE MY PAW."_

Atro handed a squirming Kuda cat over to Aem Stormy Hair. Will's little lapdog ran a hand through his deep purple fur. Kuda meowed in distress; gods, his hands were freezing. And being petted was weird, because in a way, it was like being molested. He was pretty darn sure that if he were still human, these people wouldn't come up to him and rub his tummy and tell him how cute he was, then hug him.

" _Let me gooooooo…",_ he cried, his tiny kitten plea melting Atro's ditzy, feminine heart. Aem handed him back to him, Kuda still crying pitifully. _Hm… Maybe this cuteness factor could be an advantage… Maybe I can use this!_

While the three knights chatted, Kuda began thinking of his master plan. All he had to do was be cute, right? He had to get everyone to love him, and them it would be easy to kill Atro, like he had originally planned, in some evil, kitty way. Maybe poison. There had to be some in the forest. Or maybe tripping him, or messing with the strategy plans on the table, so they were ambushed. Oh, the possibilities!

"So, in light of recent events, we will be staying here for a bit", Swampo said. _Hmm? What did I miss?_

Atro looked a little worried.

"There really is an assassin after me, then?", he said.

" _Heck yeah!",_ he meowed.

Although, Atro must have been slightly oblivious every time he was almost killed. There was that one time when he slipped a poison into his food, but the poison turned out to be a plant commonly used as a drug, so it just made him ridiculous and rather hilariously high for hours. There was also the time he tried ambushing him, but just as his chains surged forward, Atro had bent over to pick a flower and Kuda missed, his momentum carrying him right over the knight's head and off the edge of a cliff. And if those attempts weren't bad enough, one time he had tried a public assassination, sneaking into the city in a disguise. He'd borrowed a bow and a few arrows, and had been about to fire when a Glowy fell inexplicably from the sky, and out of all the astronomical odds, had landed on his head. His arrow had fired, but it rocketed down, bounced off a carriage into the rim of a cup and spilled boiling liquid of some sort onto the holder (the cup happened to be Narza's, so Kuda felt slightly better), hit a sign, ricochet up, and killed the mayor.

"There is; in fact, he was seen around here not too long ago. They say his name is Kuda."

" _Yes! Right here! Kuda! Not 'Cutie' or whatever cruel, twisted name you've come up with!"_

Atro absentmindedly stroked kitty Kuda's back. "Do you think he knows our location?", he asked.

"I'm not sure", Will responded. "This place is pretty well hidden, but just in case, we are staying here with you until we get further notice. Besides", he added with a grin, "It's been awhile since we've fought side by side!"

Atro smiled happily. "I guess you're right! I _have_ missed you guys…" Still holding and slightly squishing Kuda, he hugged them both, although, they did look a little...hm...uncomfortable. Perhaps it was the dress. Or the kisses he placed on their cheeks.

 _This guy, I swear…_

Still cuddling him against his own will, Atro brightly suggested the pair come with him, up the stairs to show them their rooms. They couldn't really decline, because who could say no to such an adorable person, and ended up being ushered onto the stairs and up, up, up.

As they reached the near top, Atro abruptly stopped in the entrance to a hallway.

"Here we are!", he said, cheerfully skipping inside.

 _Your bouncing is making me motion-sick…_ He looked up at Missy Ditz with pleading eyes.

"Here you go~", Atro said in a singsong voice, placing him on the stone sill of a window. He immediately melted into the sunlight. A purr may or may not have left him. As the sorry excuse for a knight showed his friends around, Kuda took the time to study the area. Inside, due to the antiquity of the structure, dried leaves littered the floor along with a healthy amount of dust that clung like burrs to every item insight.

From his spot he could also see outside. The window faced the courtyard, where soldiers were milling about. The clank of metal on metal was a familiar sound, signaling the birth or repair of a weapon. In the light, the trees surrounding the castle on all sides looked more welcoming, their leaves aglow and hidden birds whistling from high up.

It really was a well sheltered area; it had even taken him a while to find it. And the condensed mass of the castle made it a great place to shelter supplies and visitors. Who knew how many higher-ups were here? If anyone was to uncover this safe haven, it wouldn't be pretty.

He could here Atro coming back, humming some old Vedan tune. Aha… He leapt from the windowsill, streaking out of the room to hide just beneath the step to the stairwell.

"Hey kitty, where'd you go?", he heard Atro ask innocently. Just wait…

 _Come on… Come on… Come here, you stupid cross-dressing drag queen…_

Kuda got his wish granted. Atro stepped out of the room, looking around for his little purple kitten.

 _"Diiiiiiiiiiiiiie",_ he hissed, moving his body in front of Atro's foot. As planned, the unsuspecting Atro tripped.

From somewhere in the tower, Atro's "oomphs" could be heard, along with "I'M STILL FALLING!" and "HOW MANY LEVELS ARE THEEEEERRREEE?!"

Kuda smirked a kitty smirk, triumphantly glaring down the winding stair case. Ahh… What a stupid way to die. He could see the books now, retelling the tales of the Six Heroes. And listed under Atro would be: 'The Hero of Light tripped on a cat and broke his ditzy feminine neck while falling down a never-ending staircase.'

Will Le Swampy peeked his head out of the room, most likey wondering what the heck that noise had been.

"Uhm… Atro?", he questioned to thin air. "Oh. Hi, kitty."

" _Yes, this is completely innocent kitty, at your service."_

"Have you seen Atro anywhere? I could've sworn he was just here a second ago…"

" _Ahem. You are speaking to a cat, you swampy freak. But if you were wondering, no. Not here- I haven't seen that ditz anywhere. No go die, please."_

Swampy Will shrugged. "He's always wandering off… He can be a bit of a ditz sometimes…"

" _YES. YES HE CAN BE. HE ALWAYS IS",_ he full heartedly agreed, meowing loudly.

"Aem! I'm going to go and find Atro!", Swamp Man said, heading down the stairs. As if on cue, the gray little lapdog appeared, trailing behind.

" _...I hate you all",_ Kuda thought aloud. But, he was curious to see exactly what had happened to Missy Mister Ditz, so he followed.

There _were_ a lot of stairs. A lot. Too many for his little body to handle. _Cuteness don't fail me now…_

He pretended to limp, letting out a plaintive meow. " _Please carry me! I'm tired…"_

Stormy Hair turned mid-step, looking down at the purple kitty.

"Do you want me to carry you?", he crooned, crouching down to pet his head.

" _If I was human, the answer would be no. But I am a cat. Being a cat means that I AM THE MASTER. Humans are now slaves. Pick me up, ya big 'ol sack a lard."_

"Aww~ You're just to cute!"

Even though Lightningy Hair had freezing hands, he at least could walk fast enough. He would have to do.

" _ONWARD, FOUL CREATURE! DOWN THESE INFERNAL STAIRS WE GO! WE SHALL PREVAIL!"_

There literally were only twenty steps left. He would've facepalmed, if he'd had hands, that is.

At the bottom of the stairs stood Will the Walking Swamp. He was just...standing there. Well, standing there, red-faced, a hand stopping the blood pouring from his nose. What was-... Oh.

Atro was sitting where he'd fallen, unfortunately not dead, just dizzy. And the dress he was wearing had hiked up, exposing his slender, creamy white legs...stopping just before it revealed his underwear. _Holy_ _Mother of Maxwell…_ He even found himself wondering what kind of underwear Atro wore. He immediately pushed _that_ away. … … But it kept coming back…

Aem, however, seemed unaffected, for those with longer hair must have understood each other… Or something. He put Kitty Kuda down next to the bloody-nosed swamp, hauling the Despicable Atro to his feet. _Despicable? MORE LIKE DEAD SEXY. WAIT. WHAT. WHAT AM I THINKING._

"Thank you", the blonde said, swaying dizzily.

"Are you alright?" Lightningy Aem checked Atro over while Swampy Will stood there, still holding his bleeding nose.

The moment Atro wiggled away from Aem, he handed Will a handkerchief.

"What happened to you?", he asked sweetly.

"N-Nothing'", he replied, fishing in the air like a blind swamp monster for the cloth, still distracted.

" _So...no love for your adorable cat?",_ he mewed, reminding the crowd of his existence.

"Oh! There you are kitty!", Atro the Despicable Yet Dead Sexy in a Dress said, scooping Kuda up. "I was worried you fell down the stairs too~" He pet Kuda's back, kissing his nose.

" _Well dang. It's almost a shame I have to kill you…"_ , he purred remorsefully, his cat body liking the feel of being cuddled close. " _Jealous, you stupid knights?"_ The snarkiness in his meow could almost be detected by Will, who was busy wiping the blood off his face. The Walking Swamp was still bright cherry red.

"Ah… I'm hungry…", Missy Mister Atro randomly complained. "I forgot to eat this morning…"

"I-If you'd like, I can make something for you", Will said. He still looked as if he were about to go into shock.

"Really? Oh, thank you!", he said, giving Will a peck on the cheek.

Will passed out. If he didn't die of shock, he'd die of blood loss from his nose…

"Uhm… What did I do? Did I do something wrong? Oh no!"

" _...Excuse me, but did those words just leave your mouth? 'Did I do something wrong?' YOU REALLY SEE NOTHING WRONG WITH KISSING JUST ANYONE YOU WANT, AND NEARLY FLASHING THEM?"_

He looked down, staring apathetically at Will's twitching body. " _You may want to think about sending him to the infirmary. Or… Hey, that works too…"_

Someone dumped a bucket of water on Will's swampy green head.

"Fooling around on the front lines of a battle we are losing, _Will_ , is not written in the Knights Code of Honor", a monotone, soft voice said, almost chanting.

A man stood there, or what was left of a man. A soulless, undead atmosphere seemed to cling to him like a fog. He had no scent.

" _MIFUNE?!",_ he hissed in alarm. " _Demon of Bariura…"_

He hid under Atro's arm, baring his little kitty teeth.

"Hush, kitty", Atro said, hugging him close. However, when he did so, he accidentally bent one of Kuda's delicate kitten ears. Which hurt. Which caused him to jump. And his head hit the bottom stone step. The last thing he remembered was the feeling of that soulless abyss of a human.


End file.
